Forgiveness

" If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean."  -Aldous Huxley

Part of Recovery is that I forgive freely. I need to forgive others who have hurt me or didn't live up to my expectations, and I need to forgive myself for the things I have done wrong.

This doesn't mean that there isn't compensation and remorse for the wrong doings, but that I realise that we are all human and make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are BIG and require more than a small apology.

Once I have forgiven myself or someone else that is it. No need to revisit that hurt or pain OR live in that pain any longer.

That little girl doesn't need to protect herself any more. That little girl isn't in charge anymore. That little girl doesn't need to try to control anything anymore.

I have full faith that I am in my Father 's care. That he is leading the way guiding the ship and I can trust in him.

Bad things will happen. People will mess up. I will mess up.

Because of the beautiful gift of the atonement, I can be forgiven. Then I can turn around and forgive others and share that gift with them.

I am grateful for my savior who was willing to die for me. Who suffered all my dumb decisions. Who truly knows my pain. Who knows what it is like to hurt and have pain. Who knows what it is like to obsess over food. Who knows what it is like to be lonely and alone. To feel abandoned and discarded. To be betrayed by those he loved. I know he knows me and loves me.  I am grateful for the atonement. At this Easter time it is more real to me then ever before. I have someone who has felt as I feel. Who understands my pain and who SUFFERED for me. I am humbled to know that he loved me that much. I know that no matter what it is that is weighing on our hearts he will take our pain and heal us if we only come to him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

 If it matters to us it matters to him, because WE matter to him.

I have had an amazing week this week! I have had control over my cravings and not let myself go crazy if I messed up. I have been paying attention to my hunger and not eating if I a not hungry. I have been more active and less idle. I am feeling very encouraged! Plus, after 11 years, we got a NEW car today!!! My sweet parents sold us their Dodge Durango for a great deal!!! Whoot!