Codependancy

So in addition to being addicted to food, I am also co dependant. Codependency is the need to have others validate and make you feel whole rather then being able to do that independently. It plays out in a myriad of ways for me.

People pleasing, following the crowd, being a chameleon, feeling inferior, looking for others to validate me, trying to be who I thought others wanted me to be, seeking for others approval, trying to make people proud, trying to prove my worth so people won't leave me.

I had no idea these were all signs of codependency.

I had a friend say that I was like Elmyra from Tiny Toons. She is an OVER LOVING girl who practically SMOTHERS her pets to death. Her well know line is something like "I'll take you home and love you and hug you and squeeze you". I would over love people so they would think I was lovable and want me as their friend/girlfriend.  When this friend pointed this out I REALLY pulled back my affection for people. I stopped hugging or even touching people because I didn't want to come off as needy.

I am aware of my codependency and am trying to create healthy boundaries for myself. Not over smothering but also not changing my thoughts or needs to make others comfortable. Not agreeing with people just so they like me if I don't agree with what they are saying.

I am trying to find validation in who I am and my strengths instead of seeking approval of others.

I am trying not to be a know it all and fix other people but allowing them to share their experiences and go through their own trials.

I will not allow people to sit in their crap around me and not tell them they stink. In being more authentic myself, I am going to look for the good in others.

This is deep stuff and it is hard to admit sometimes. I feel like I am finally finding who I am and being honest and authentic.